Confessions from a former bride

Hello! I’m Kelly or Kel…and I will be your practical guide today to 10 things every bride should know. Being a 2020 Bride equips me to be the perfect contender for a  bride counselor  and I have assumed the position, surviving 1 pandemic, almost a world war, Locust Invasion (yes they were in Tanzania) and of course the death of a former president , everything that could go wrong….did…and we still had a wedding, trust me…I qualify!

I will be giving you pointers on 20 things every bride should know and prepare for, because well, take it from a recent bride…You need a plan!

My story began late 2019 when my beloved hinted on marriage…little did he know I had tiny little book with plans pre-written from my 13 year old self me (I Kid you not)  all my plans needed is a little twitching and modernizing to fit my current times. While I had been well prepared for a wedding since I was single ( I was seriously praying and fasting for it ) many brides actually aren’t hence…here are things you really need to think about for your wedding

1. Your dress, I begin with this because this will define your whole day, will you have 2 dresses, 2 in one or 1 dress, ball gown, mermaid… this will be your most important choice. Consider your body shape, My hips are non existent unless commercially enhanced (I’m not ashamed of this haha) hence I opted for a ball gown with a 2metre Train, the train and the shape takes a lot of attention away from your dancing or your lack of speech .. I am extremely shy hence I figured a big ball gown will swerve everyone’s attention away from my lack of dancing skills and non existent hips and my very few words. Pick a dress that will wow everyone, it will make every thing easier…when you look beautiful people excuse a lot of things…. Try on as many dresses as possible, Start working on a dress 6 months prior…yes you heard right, 6 months! most designers in Tanzania only take Wedding dress orders 4 months prior your wedding  and Wedding dress shops in Dar es Salaam have extremely common designs. Search the whole internet for a dress you like and take a week off, go to every shop there is, try on dresses…its tiring but worth it, you will see exactly what looks good on you and what doesn’t. I recommend making your dress from Scratch if your budget permits it pick a nice designer, there are Many, From Rexcy Designs, Kyamirwa, Mac Couture, Meri Creations, FifiDesign Sugar, Branoh, They all make amazing dresses but do stress on time…make sure your dress is ready and set 2 weeks before your wedding .. Also Designer dresses in Tanzania are extremely expensive hence if you agree on a designer 6 months before your wedding, you can even ask them to pay on instalment. If your budget is smaller for your dress consider showing wedding dress shops your favorite designs (Secky Fashions,Wedding Lydia, Pearl ) if your lucky they might order for you or might consider your design as they do their purchases….this is only possible if you communicate with them at least 6 months prior. Have two wedding dresses just incase, anything can happen, one extravagant one and a simple one, …you can always sell one off later on if all goes well.
2. Accessories, pick a look you like, Grecian bride, princess bride, Hollywood bride…what kind of bride do you want to be? I wanted to be a princess bride hence all my accessories matched my theme, I had a ball gown, dangling earrings, shoes that had pearls and bow ties and a veil 2.5 Meters long…. You really need to look at all sorts of brides and decide if you are extravagant or minimalistic. Buy your accessories as soon as you pick the dress . And don’t be naïve…. look everywhere! EVERYWHERE! I spent one week in Kariakoo looking for robes, earrings, crowns and ordered my shoes from an online store. Have 2 sets of all your accessories, earrings, crowns, shoes, bracelets …again…anything can happen.
3. VENDORS!!!! I’m going to stress on this because trust me I learned the hard way as a bride, you’re the one who is expected to do the wedding planning or else you will not have the wedding of your dream. Please write down what theme you would like for your wedding, your favorite colors and have a look you’re going for and scroll the whole Instagram for vendors you feel would fit in the category. I wanted an indoor garden with white as my theme color. I chose all vendors, from décor to food, photography, cakes, Master of ceremony, Drinks and cocktails, Tailors for my Bridesmaids, Flower vendors for my bouquets, card design and most importantly the venue. Make sure you communicate your vision and theme with your partner so that you’re on the same page and don’t pick someone just because they’re famous….I attended every event that my vendors was servicing( some with their knowledge some without) its very important to do this because you need to know if you’re vendors deliver or else your Kamati will be on your neck…its very important you have theme so that your décor and Master of ceremony will know how to run your wedding. And at this point its very important to be on the same team with your fiancé, try hard not to fight and be extremely realistic with what you have in hand and communicate this with your vendors, do not be the girl who over bargains….over bargaining will get u bad service in Tanzania hahaha..yes wedding vendors are brutal…if your budget doesn’t fit the vendor DO NOT STRESS THEM…pick a another vendor who fits your budget, understand they are doing business too but also do not just pick a vendor because their cheap ..actually look into their word and attend their functions, there are very many quite affordable vendors who aren’t as famous but do a perfect job…1 trick to knowing the best vendors is this, I did this, 10 months before my wedding, I was a bridesmaid for about 7 of my friends weddings, I attended at least 15 weddings that year.. I inquired on the food, the décor, the tailors , the photographers, I noted down everything so I was spot on who I wanted to work with and all my vendors were the same for Send off and Wedding hence I had a little discount, except a few.

Then again you might have the perfect plan for Vendors 2 things could go terribly wrong. Kamati and Michango!!

4. Michango, Contributions from family and friends for your wedding and send off are common in Tanzania but they will also break your heart. Don’t rely on them, TRUST ME, have a budget in mind…save up….from the moment that man utters that word Marriage baby girl start saving and start smiling to all your friends hahahhaha. And be very open to your family about (Dad Mom and Siblings) about if you have saved or not and do ask them to pitch in or ask them ideas for u to get a little income to get this perfect wedding, I communicated my plans to my family and they pitched a whole lot ….I had zero savings for my wedding and I saw the fire.  Make a list of all your friends, please invite only your close friends…. don’t invite people you don’t talk to just to get their contributions that’s very tacky…. these are the very people who will complain about the contribution being too high…. Be very strict about your wedding, if you haven’t talked to someone in 6 months…they shouldn’t be on your list. I had a list of extremely close friends, I tried to include some of my friends from way back and they ousted me that I only invited them to get their contribution and even made a mess about me not being there for them, while on the contrary …I was just being nice, they also complained about the contribution being too high.. I  communicated that 150,000  was for single card…but all my close friends pitched in even more than that, in fact they even went ahead and got me gifts and Kitchen party accessories and even took part in setting up the wedding… it taught me a valuable lesson…if you’re not close, they cant be at your wedding, reduce the numbers, not everyone has to be at your wedding.
5. KAMATI!!! SOOOOOOO this is the most crucial part of the wedding, Kamati or Committee is a group of people preferably family and close friends whose job is basically to decide on the wedding budget, vendors, collections (michango) and the whole event outlay…these guys will determine if you have a good wedding or not….  1 VITAL PIECE OF ADVICE, HAVE ATLEAST 5 OF YOUR MARRIED FRIENDS IN YOUR KAMATI!!!!  Some of your kamati members will be clueless about your theme or décor choices but if two of your friends can vouch for you…you will get what you want. Choose a Mwenyekiti (chairman or chairwoman) who is young, it will be easier to work with them because they will be flexible but also one who you feel actually will be there at every meeting to ensure none of your plans a changed. PICK a very trusted person for your collections …. extremely trusted….dont just let anyone deal with michango…make sure your on top of it…every single contribution…for me it was my mom and sister….its money…anything can happen. Also to get all the vendors you want…you have to make sure the Kamati understands your theme and why you chose the vendors. Make a PowerPoint of what you want and their work if you can, or you can do the easier cheeky thing….pick all your vendors and make down payments and submit the vendor list to the kamati so that their work is now only focusing on collections and ensuring the vendor delivers your theme ….Make sure the whole Kamati knows your theme by heart. If anyone has suggestions on a better Vendor…go with them to a function where the vendor is proving their service to see for yourself alongside with them if the quality is to standard, do not make anyone feel bad for their choice …remember they’re trying to have a good wedding too… My husband wanted a band for our wedding hence we visited about 4 bands a month before our wedding …right alongside our mwenyekiti..all bands were suggested by the Kamati, they hand in hand saw their flaws and their strong points hence it was easier to make choice together.
6. I cannot stress how important this is. ANYTHING can go wrong, ANYTHING AND ANYTIME. My wedding was supposed to be in April but Corona Happened and we moved it June and we couldn’t have the number of people we wanted in June hence we had to do another one in August to invite everyone who contributed to our wedding… we prayed day and night that nothing else happens, in May we didn’t even think we would have a wedding since all the halls were closed…we prayed daily…May 4^th the President announced by June all events should resume…..our wedding was planned for June 20^th…. I screamed like a little girl…. all activities had halted since we really didn’t think we would have a wedding…hence my husband literally preplanned all the activities 1 week before the wedding. Also, there are a lot of bad omens right before a wedding, understand that marriage is a holy sacrament and the devil will try his best to ensure he fights your happiness. The fight will be hard and fierce, everything that could go wrong…WILL. So, you really have to pray, wake up every night to pray over your wedding and your plans, do not let on day pass. On my first Kamati Meeting…bees swamped our house attacking all the attendants, this was right after they had given their pledges, my parents were so shook one of them needed to see a hospital… Marriage is Gods foundation for creation, you need to pray over it
7. Do not fight with your partner. I cannot stress how important it is for both of you to be in sync. The moment you fight, you might not get what you want and you risk being a gloomy bride…. meet each other in the middle…we women forget its not your wedding alone. If you feel something is above the budget…go back to your savings, top it off… Also be at peace with everyone… ensure they understand your concept and if it seems to much for them, cover it. I am so thankful that my mother in-law is just an awesome gift from God. I mean it, she went with everything I desired no questions asked…she just trusted me… I held back a tear as I entered the altar and she was staring mouth open at my dress, Kamati didn’t approve of my designer ball gown hhahah..let’s just the say the price could buy a small car..(I was a bridezilla )…. she went full on support on it so that I get what I want, between send off, kitchen party I was really burnt out lawd…can I stress how much you need to save … You might not be this lucky…SAVE and PRAY hahahah
8. Have the look you want on your wedding done on you a month prior…its free so that there no make-up surprises on dday. Make up and Hair on your wedding, decide if you want to go the saloon or do your make up at a hotel ..Ensure hotel and Churches a close so that its not hustle. Book your MUA as early as 2 months before and if you can …stress on the time. I don’t know what it is with Make up artists, they get carried away and lose track of time, church could be 12:00PM and they would be done at 12:30 PM. Start your Make up as early as 6:00AM Do your nails and laces at least 2 days prior. Do your make up and Bridesmaids make up at the same place…. please do this…. your bridesmaids need to look good too. Most importantly Pick the right car for your dress, if your dress is too tight don’t choose a sedan or saloon car…thank me later.
9. Pick a Suit for your Groom! Men are stubborn, he won’t get his suit done until 1 month to the wedding, I’ve heard this far too many times. Pick a look and a color that suits him and go with him, from shoes cufflinks, coats, everything. You both have to look good together. My Husband wanted to change suit designs last minute. I’m so glad I was there with him to dismiss that My good Lord I’m thankful.
10. Lastly, Please Please Please check with the church on what the requirements are. From Dress to accessories, what works with them or what doesn’t. … I initially wanted a garden nuptials wedding, and we paid all the expenses only for the church to say its impossible two weeks to the wedding, I was so sad I left everything in my Husbands hands and stopped wedding planning altogether. Yaaani nililisusia kanisa la katoliki stupid me hahaha…I took it so personal because we had told them and they had agreed , I wasn’t catholic so I didn’t understand what the big deal was, my pastor saw how sad I was and even suggested he would marry us as Lutheran if the Catholic church didn’t approve of a garden wedding and Garden nuptials…but well, that wasn’t an option…hence we again…after corona, after closing of all the halls…had pre plan the wedding all over again as a church wedding 1 week before the wedding….. My husband is just an amazing man, he handled it all by himself single handedly while I sunk in my depression watching my 13 year old dream wedding disappear, but well he delivered … I think My prayers worked., everything I had prior wanted in my head ..he did…from the color to the signage and flowers, for one  minute I thought this cant be all for me……I held back tears as I entered the hall it was so magical, The décor lady didn’t know, but everything she had put there was on my 4 year old Pinterest it was things I saw in movies and  in high end weddings…everything! Its like she took the pictures out of my head and did it, I looked at the sky and said God you are too much, there  is no way my husband and this décor company did this by themselves even without me there but give me exactly what I never though I could have…it all worked for Good… I am thankful I had communicated all the vendors and themes prior hence it was way easier for him to perform when I lost it…the church nuptials weren’t so bad at all. Again, PRAY… God will use people to get you what you want and need.

Also, pick a Matron who is familiar to the church you’re getting married to, she has to be the same religion, it will be easier for you, My Matron was a blessing, the whole wedding was a walk in a park because of her. Also pick bubbly bridesmaids so they can cheer you up when you’re worried.

So, ladies… Please consider these things and prepare …a wedding is supposed to be magical…Please Plan ahead!